


In Deep

by angelwriter



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 6000 Years of Pining (Good Omens), 6000 Years of Slow Burn (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley in Love (Good Omens), Aziraphale in Love (Good Omens), Comforting Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley in Denial (Good Omens), Crowley in Love (Good Omens), Crowley is Whipped (Good Omens), Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, Oblivious Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 06:43:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20962187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelwriter/pseuds/angelwriter
Summary: "I said you are in my head.""What do you mean?""It means what I said it means. You are in my thoughts. All. The. Time. I don't know how to make it stop. I...never could.""But...what did I do?"His voice was so innocent and clueless that it frustrated him and he slammed his hand on the table where they were eating lunch at the Ritz just after they had averted the possible Apocalypse."Nothing! That's the point! You didn't do a single damn thing!"





	In Deep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Chaoticsoul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaoticsoul/gifts).

Been wondering if your heart's still open and  
if so I wanna know what time it shuts  
\- I dont wanna know by Artic Monkeys 

***

The only way to get rid of an addiction is to ween yourself off. Get it out of your system. Drain it, bleed out, expel, purge and vomit all of it until nothing is left. Nothing of the substance exists. Once you have done that you have a clean slate. Yet the addiction still exists. It is still under your skin, living in your veins, inhabiting your cells. You cannot shake it. You still want the substance. You tell yourself you should not want it. That it is wrong. That you do not need it. 

The only problem is that you do. 

So you distract yourself. Think of other things - not the salty taste on your tongue once you have licked them clean, the rich stench of your sweat and arousal in the air, feather-light kisses on backs and shoulders, deep bites into flesh and scratches with nails making beautiful paintings of red on white skin - no not that. You should not think about that. Stop. Stop. Stop! 

"YOU'RE IN MY HEAD!" 

The random outburst that flew from his thoughts and out of his mouth unwillingly made the angel in his tartan bowtie turn towards him, his mouth full of delicious cake he had just taken a bite out of. There was cream on his upper lip, his cheeks full and chipmuck-looking. He looked radiant as always, mocking the sun with his brilliant light and white curls nested atop a Greek carved face and azure eyes that was now resting curiously on Crowley. 

Aziraphale swallowed and asked, "What did you say?" 

Crowley flushed and bit into his cheek. "Ngk. Nothing! It's nothing...was just thinking." 

"About what? You said that I was in your head?" 

Confusion knitted his brows and why wouldn't he be confused? Crowley had not explained how he felt in 6000 years. Not once giving reason for any of his outlandish travels to see him, gifting him and offering him lunch, doing every demonic miracle just because the angel asked him to. This was stupid. 

"Yeah. I mean you're here, aren't you?" Crowley tried to play it off. "Was just thinking, angel. Doesn't matter." 

He set down his fork. "Yes, it does. You shouted it. Something is the matter, I can see it." 

"Juat drop it, angel." It was meant to sound seethed in the aggressive tone of a demon, but it just came out shattered and desperate. 

"Crowley." 

That word. His name. The name he had chosen for himself. If Aziraphale had said he didn't like it he would change it right then and there. Anything to please the angel. Everything. That name sounded so soft and filled with emotions he could not name for fear and misconceptions. He ached when Aziraphale spoke his name, directed his words to him, called out to him. Fuck, he was gone. Levitated when he even looked at him. It was so pathetic. 

He sighed in defeat. Well, it was too late now. And it was just almost The-End-Of-The-World. He had forced himself for centuries not to desire the only thing he desperately desired since The Beginning. Now since they were left along by their representative Head Offices, maybe....no. Was it even possible? Crowley clenched his jaw, thinking what was the worst that could happen to them now after all of that? 

"I said you are in my head." 

"What do you mean?" 

"It means what I said it means. You are in my thoughts. All. The. Time. I don't know how to make it stop. I...never could." 

"But...what did I do?" 

His voice was so innocent and clueless that it frustrated him and he slammed his hand on the table where they were eating lunch at the Ritz just after they had averted the possible Apocalypse. 

"Nothing! That's the point! You didn't do a single damn thing!" Crowley growled, but it was edgy because of his brokenness and intense pain and he hated that Aziraphale could sense it. "You stood there smiling and laughing with me. You made me wonder about you, angel. How the Great Principality, Guardian of the Eastern Gate, could have given a flaming sword to the humans who God had banished just because you are nice. I mean you did fucking nothing and I certainly did not do anything to deserve your friendship. The Arrangement we had? You agreed to tempt and I agreed to heal. What is up with that? It is not in either of our natures, but yet we did it. Why? Why, Aziraphale? We eat lunches and drink wine socially like we are not on opposite sides. You say we're not friends to everyone you meet and you reject me wanting to desert everything and leave with you...I...Someone's sake! What do you want from me? We toasted 'to the world' just now and all I could think about was why we even decided to stop the Apocalypse in the first place. Why was it written like that? Why did Angus Nutter foresee us 'consorting' with each other and how did she know we even knew each other when no one in Heaven or Hell had any idea that we had been meeting up for 6000 bloody years! Come on, angel. Why did you do it? Huh? Why did you want to save the Earth? Cause I certainly know why. It's you. It has always been you. I am hopelessly in love with you!" 

Aziraphale stayed silent for several minutes, watching Crowley's snake eyes drip tears from under his dark glasses. He held his breath while Crowley struggled to contain his. He allowed himself to choke in front of Aziraphale, to finally allow the tsunami wave of emotions to pour out of him for the first time. His thin shoulders shook with his sobs and Aziraphale had no clue if he should speak or just pull him into a hug that he knew Crowley needed. 

He finally let himself breathe. "Crowley..." he began, almost tenderly in Crowley's ears. But that wasn't right. He couldn't love him back. He was a demon. A demon. "I thought you knew." 

"Knew what?" He croaked. 

"That I felt the same." 

Crowley gaped back at him. "You what?" 

Aziraphale smiled at the words Crowley had said to him in Eden. "I mean you must have seen the way I was after 1941. You had saved me and my books from the bombings and the Nazis. I was...shocked and quite pleased that you would do that for me. It was when I realised..." 

"That I was the demon loser that was in love with you?" He muttered, still not believing this conversation was actually happening. 

"No. It was when I realised that you loved me back." 

To say Crowley was speechless was a massive understatement. His tongue (which was usually in a human state unless he was feelingly slightly devilish) was now twisted and tongue tied as they said. It really was in knots as his brain turned into a pile of goo. He stared blankly at Aziraphale who looked like he did many times except his eyes were not shielded and Crowley could see the pain inflicted in him as he realised that Crowley spent all that time thinking Aziraphale never felt the same. 

"You..." he swallowed thickly. "...I mean you...actually....Me?" 

"Of course, dear. Who else?" 

"I just ....I still after all this happened today can't believe that this is it. Our freedom. Our side. And you finally said it. Out loud." 

"I love you, Crowley." 

Crowley sucked in a sharp breath. "I love you, angel." 

Aziraphale slowly moved his hand to Crowley's head and cupped his face. The demon leaned into his touch almost purring like a kitten. He stroked Crowley's cheek and then threaded his fingers through his hair. He had always wanted to do this. He scratched soothing circles on the shorter bits at the back of his hair, then twisted into the fiery long bits in the front. It felt velvet smooth under his touch and Aziraphale hummed in happiness and appreciation. He gave an experimental tug just to see his reaction and heat boiled in his stomach as Crowley gave a suprised moan. 

Aziraphale retracted his hands before he attacked Crowley right in the middle of the dining room. He cleared his throat. "I think I am quite finished with lunch. Should we move on to dessert?" 

"But you just had....oh." Crowley smirked, his voice teasing. "Angel, you really are a bastard." 

Aziraphale wiggled with delight and let out a chuckle. "Come now, dear. Let's go. I have to make up for the 6000 years I was supposed to be kissing you."


End file.
